Its happy hour somewhere in the world, and I’m sure many of you will drink yourselves silly. Why not share a pint with your boss, your best friend and even your grandma. Or perhaps 10 pints? Or was it 7 pints and 5 shots of regret the next morning?
And so you lie there in bed the morning after. Head pounding to the same tempo of how quickly you smashed pint after pint. Your eyes sealed shut from the sweats of your symptoms and your lips cracked and dry. You roll over in bed, waiting for what seems like an impending Black Plague to consume you as you burrow deeper into your sheets.
But, hold on. You feel a bubble rising up your throat. The taste of sour breath stains your tongue, and then comes the realisation that all of last night’s festivities have finally decided to take the last train out into the toilet bowl.
You are hung-over. Every creak and crack in your body whimpers, help. Sounds familiar? I’m sure we all have had a similar experience of our own, and lots of them.
In honour of happy hours and long nights of non-stop revelry, here’s a mini survival guide to your humble hangover.
1. Sprite
(d.starek)
This is one of those rare moments where you can argue that a calorie-loaded fizzy drink is good for you.
According to research done by Sun Yat-Sen University in 2013, that sugary buzz that you get after chugging an entire can – much to your parents’ disapproval as a kid – translates into a positive response in your hung-over adult bodies.
The enzyme; Aldehyde dehydrogenase (ALDH), which can be found in Sprite, speeds up the body’s metabolism of alcohol, alleviating hangover symptoms.
Grab yourself a can or two of the fizzy nectar and relive your caffeinated childhood glory days in every sip.
2. Gegen Hua (Kudzu Flower)
These leaves look more suited as an ingredient for your potpourri instead of curing yourself from a hangover.
However, according to TCM practices, this flower has been used as a remedy for hangovers since time immemorial. You know this is true when there’s a Chinese proverb about it too – in English it translates to; “1,000 glasses but no drunkenness with Gegen Hua (千杯不醉葛根花)”. Sounds like your great grandpas’ and grandmas’ already figured out how to avoid a hangover like a pro.
Steep the leaves in boiling water for a couple minutes to make a tea. You should be able to pick this up from your nearest Eu Yan Sang or any TCM clinics.
3. Ginseng Root
This fleshy root has always lined the shelves of every chinese medicinal shop. Its yellowish beigey skin, plump body and scraggly legs surprisingly resemble a tiny human body.
It has always been used to purge the body of toxins, rehydrate and cure an upset stomach – pretty much what you need to cure a hangover.
You’ll need to chop it up, steep it in boiling water and drink the bitter essence to save yourself. If the taste is too harsh for you, hide their flavour as an ingredient in a soup – check out tip no.8.
You should be able to pick this up from your nearest Eu Yan Sang or any TCM clinics.
4. Pickle Juice
If the vodka chugging Russians swear by it, you should too.
Mix two parts juice to one part water and this witches brew should restore some life back into your soul. The tang of the brine should wash out the sour aftertaste in your mouth and the salt in the brine should help your body store water to start pushing the alcohol out of your system.
This might be difficult, as the smell of food or flavoured drink will most likely stir the pot of bubbling puke in your stomach but – no pain no game. Here goes to a night you can’t really remember!
The more effective method would be to do this right before the storm of the morning – but when you’ve got double vision by the time you get home, its understandable that drinking pickle juice isn’t likely to be floating around the forefront of your mind.
This brings me to my next tip.
5. Water And Lots Of It
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We’ve all heard this one before. In fact, countless times when we’ve called up that one friend, partner or parent, seriously hung over in the morning and begging for mercy.
This should just about bring you to normal human functionality in an hour or so.
6. Congee
(gopagu)
Take small sips. The warm sticky congee should slide down easily and feel like a warm hug in your stomach, if not, just stop, pat your back for trying and skip to the next tip.
This little bowl of comfort food can easily be found in your nearby kopitiam. We should really keep effort to a minimal in this situation; venturing out in search for food with a hangover will prove to be more torturous than ever.
I’ll explain why in my last tip.
7. Hair Of The Dog Is A Fat Lie
And probably only works for alcoholics.
First, drinking more alcohol to cure an alcohol-induced illness is just dumb logic. Second, if you are like me and have tried it, you’ll be familiar with the shot fire buzz of satisfaction after the first couple chugs. However, the dust settles and in equal fervour the pounding headache fights back – it feels like your skull is caving in and your soul is retracting back into itself.
If you keep drinking to chase that initial buzz, you’re just going to drink yourself into another drunken stupor and probably be branded as the local closet alcoholic.
8. Your Grandma’s Chicken Herb Soup
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Your grandma and her herb soup are probably one of the few things that are sure to bring you comfort in this dark time.
It will probably begin with an annoyed sigh, glaring eyes and pursed lips carefully deciding how best to mince you with her words, then followed by a stream of Chinese proverbs about making bad choices, not knowing your limits, etc.
The broth should be sweet from the bones of the chicken and earthy from all herbs added. One of the key herbs which she added; Ginseng root, as mentioned before is a great cure to hangovers.
For those of you who don’t have your grandma on speed dial or likely to come to the rescue , the quickest alternative is to grab the a bowl of any clear herb soup from your nearest kopitiam.
9. Ginger and Honey Tea
If none of the above seem to be going down easy – don’t worry, here’s the mildest alternative to it.
Bring some water to a boil on the stove and add a few knobs of ginger to the water. Keep it going for around 10-20 minutes. Then add some honey to the tea and let it cool.
Stand over the steam from the boiling tea and breathe in the soothing smell. Try to bring down that pounding headache by picturing yourself in a spa. The smell of ginger lingering in the background of a dim lit room as you wrap yourself in the comforts of a soft white robe. Feel better already?
10. No Greasy Fry Up’s
“Fill your stomach with food”, they said. “The fat will soak up the alcohol.”
This could not be further from the truth. There are two reasons why this does not work:
First, staggering out of the house in search of this said fry up, and attempting to refrain from looking like a delirious victim stumbling away from a fresh car accident is its own personal hell.
Second, when you are victorious in your pilgrimage and the said fry up arrives, you realise that you have no appetite and what faces you on the plate resembles what you left behind in your toilet bowl a couple hours earlier.
Besides, stuffing your face with a plate of greasy food is almost sure to make you fall into a food coma, which is merely a more socially acceptable version of the alcohol coma you had to resurrect yourself out of this morning.
Now that you have survived one of the many hangovers, let round two begin!